The Abyss was tempting again tonight. Just a few steps away from Bell-mère's grave it called Nami to take a final rest, too. Let go, It whispered. You gave so much already. Nami was as weary as an old sail hanging limply in the wind. No fierce wind could fill her with joy again, it all seeped through the holes that had been torn into her.
“You're still the same girl.” Nojiko had told her. She couldn't have been more wrong. The girl that was Nami had died along with her mother as Arlong had shot her. Just when Nami had finally been ready to call Bell-mère by that name. Mother. And Nami had died again when she was forced to work for Arlong's crew. The flag that killed her mother forever stitched into her arm as an irremovable stain of sin. And then maybe a third time, as she told the other villagers and was shunned for betraying her own mother. She withheld the real reason why she did so, didn't want to share the burden. She had thought she could carry this burden alone. Ridiculous. She couldn't even carry on right now. How was she supposed to carry this burden? How was she supposed to ever collect enough money to buy her village free from Arlong? She was just a weak girl, after all. She wished the abyss would open its mouth and come get her. But it wouldn't. It would just stare at her luring her close, tempt her to jump.
But she couldn't. She couldn't take this final step. Because that would have been the real betrayal: To give up. To give up trying to save her village. She wished she could go back to the days in which the real treasure had been the oranges on their fields, not the money she had hidden in the earth below them. A meagre collection of seven million Belly, when she needed one hundred million.
Nami had figured that steeling the money from other pirates was ok. It was her kind of justice. But on her last raid she had been way to careless. Trying to steal the pirates' loot out in the open in broad daylight! “Do you have a deathwish?!” the angered pirate had screamed at her. Yes she did. And being killed while on a raid was the only acceptable way to die for her. Get rich our die trying. Because she had to get rich to save the village. Abandoning them was just not an option. But as Nami realized she was attempting a suicide by pirate she dropped the loot and ran. Suicide was not an option. Never had been.
Nami sighed and bid the abyss her farewells. A single tear streaked down her cheek as she placed an orange on Bell-mère's grave. “Forgive me.” she whispered “Forgive me for still being the same weak girl. I am not even half the strong woman you were.”